The wonders of modern medicine!

Had I written this post this morning the tone would have been very different.  I had a really bad night last night. I was in so much pain, it felt as if I had a knife stuck into my ribs on my left hand side.  I could not get comfortable, laying down was not an option at all. I had the bed as upright as it could be but no position gave me any relief from the pain.  Eventually at about 3am the nurses were able to get the on-call doctor to prescribe an injection of a stronger morphine based drug.  It did not stop the pain but it knocked me out and I got 3 hours of sleep which was bliss! I woke the exact position I had received the injection – upright with my shoulder against the plastic control panel of the bed (which left attractive dents in my skin) and the sheet and blanket on the bed next to me, not over me!  I was afraid to move when I opened my eyes because I didn’t want to do anything to make the pain worse but of course I had to get up… nature calls and all that ? I washed my face and brushed my teeth because my mum always told me that would make me feel better!  It didn’t work! At about 20 past 6 the tea trolley came and I had a cup of coffee, then I waited for the nurse doing her drugs round to get to me.  I had a glass of water and threw up, then I waited for the nurse doing her drugs round to get to me.  I was again in so much pain that I went to the nurse doing her drugs round and asked if I could jump the queue not because I consciously thought that my need was any greater than anyone else, simply because I had to do something.   She could see my distress and got me the oral morphine, I drank it greedily and within 2 minutes I threw up again! Noooooo! Poor Anna the lovely drug issuing nurse;  ‘oh no, I just puked out my morphine’ I wailed!  I’m sure I sounded like a drug addict!

I was beside myself with pain and in a pretty poor place mentally.  I was not ready to be sick with this cancer.  I cried a lot, more than I have for a long time and at about 09:00 I was given another morphine injection. Phil came in to see me, Anna had said it would be ok for him to come outside visiting times, I think she just wanted to stop me crying!!  When he arrived I was instantly more relaxed and the morphine was kicking in so within half an hour I was beginning to feel sleepy so he stayed with me until I was asleep and went home again!!

At some point during the morning the doctor did his rounds and asked me how I was feeling. I simply said ‘like shit’. I am not proud of myself but it was all I could manage.  He suggested a different approach to pain relief and an additional antibiotic. Oh my, that was amazing!   A different antibiotic and ibuprofen instead of morphine (yes you read that right!) and I was a changed woman.  At 2 a man with a wheelchair arrived to take me for my scan and my spirits were lifted enough for me to have a laugh with the radiologists. I really am sorry for the way I spoke to that awesome doctor!!!

Unfortunately, my fab friend Donna was on her way to see me when I was collected for my scan so although a quick message exchange wasn’t timely enough to save her the drive into Norwich, it did save her a pointless parking fee ? I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow Donna x

Hajira however  lives much closer to the hospital and so she popped in to see me with her lovely Mum for what was left of afternoon visiting slot when I got back from the scan.  It was lovely to see them and she brought some henna with her to give me a beautiful henna foot!  I am so lucky!

I’ll tell you about the beautiful heart behind my foot in another post!

Phil came back for the evening visiting slot and my gorgeous friend Tina came too, she has crocheted me a beautiful hat and also brought me a ball of wool and a crochet hook to keep me busy making more.  Although you know I never get bored, especially when there are people to watch! I am surrounded by older women who are all completely different but have one thing in common, they take their hearing aids out at night.  This results in any exchanges with the nurses (and there are many!) having to be at high volume to be understood… there are some conversations you just don’t want to hear!

Both Phil and Tina were amazed to see me looking so well! Phil had obviously seen me at my worst and Tina had called me at lunch time to see if I was still in the hospital when I was short of breath and obviously uncomfortable – I honestly can’t believe how much better I feel.

I have just had my night time medication (not from Anna, she’s gone home now) and apparently the initial antibiotic can take a couple of days to be effective so it could just be that kicking in but whatever the reason I am grateful!  As I write I am almost pain free ?

India the gorgeous doctor came to see me while Hajira and her mum were here to give me the results of the scan.  I do have a clot in my lung right where my pain has been and that’s ok, if it were just that I could go home as we know with my fragmin DIY blood thinning injections.  She wants me to stay in however to get on top of the infection and to determine if I have infection or infarction in my lung around the clot.  I’d like to think I’ll be going home tomorrow but we’ll see.

Thank you for all your well wishes – talk to you soon

Lots of love Mand xxx