April the 7th marked 2 years since my diagnosis. I only remember those early days as a fog. I don’t think it really sank in for a few weeks which was a good thing , it gave me time to come to terms with it more gradually. What I do remember about that time is that I was instantly aware how precious every minute is and vowed to appreciate every one.
I have been on the most amazing roller coaster ride for the last two years full of highs and lows. I am grateful that with the support of all you fabulous people and a great, caring medical at the hospital and the big C there have been many more highs than lows. I’m closer than ever to living in a mindful state, focussing on the present and not allowing my thoughts to unsettle me.
I had a conversation with a new friend from my Hempnall Laughter Yoga Club. She has volunteered to let me train her so that she can run the club when I’m away and I thought I should tell her about my diagnosis. I said to her that sometimes I almost forget that I have cancer. Almost is the key word… I never really forget, it is always there but I think that’s a good thing and I’ll tell you why (of course!).
First, let me clarify something. In the early days, when the reality of my diagnosis snuck up on me it was terrifying. A wave of anxiety would sweep through my body leaving me feeling as if I was just about to fall off a cliff, holding on by my sore fingernails, not knowing if I would ever feel stable again.
Now when it sneaks up on me, I’m not afraid. It just reminds me to appreciate every minute (and to stop eating sugar and junk! Some habits are harder to break than others ?). It also reminds me to fight slipping back into a blur of busyness allowing the days to disappear without making any conscious connection with anything or anyone – even myself – it still happens way too often for my liking but I am working on it ?
I have a new nurse today, her name is Becky – she commented that it’s difficult not to smile when talking to me; she said my smile is infectious! When I told her that it’s because I do Laughter Yoga she said ‘well I thought I’d heard everything!’ ? I really do consider myself so lucky. I’m having my bone treatment this morning and the team are great. It’s my first time in the newly renovated treatment ward – it’s so bright and welcoming and I’m glad for the nurses, this is a really tough job and they deserve to have an uplifting environment to do it in. But mostly I feel lucky that I feel so well. Through that cloud two years ago, I couldn’t have imagined feeling this well two years down the line; and in particular enjoying life as much as I am.
Thank you for being there and listening to my ramblings; I really do appreciate your support.
Talk to you soon
Lots of love Mand xxx
Some of the lovely artwork on the newly refurbished wall!