Month: August 2016

We spent the day with family on Sunday which is always a treat.  My sister Bryony was working with her beautiful daughter Amelie on her communication skills (she is almost two!!) “use your words Amelie” she was saying in a gentle encouraging way, it was really lovely to witness that connection between them and I just know that soon (in what will seem like a millisecond) there will be no stopping her and everyone will know exactly what she wants ?

The thing is, even when you’re 45 you can’t always think of the right words or find the right way to get a thought out there without coming across in a way that you did not intend, which could leave your audience confused or even worse offended.

Where I am right now, some of my thoughts offend me let alone anyone else!

Liz, my counsellor found an article written by a lady in a very similar position to me.  Click here to read the words of Martha Carlson.  The most poignant line for me is “These are not the words our friends want to hear, and often they are not the words we, ourselves, want to say.”

I agree with the phrase ‘some things are better left unsaid’ and we have a running joke in the family ‘think before you speak, is this comment going to enhance our relationship?’ However, I am also aware that keeping too much bottled up inside can be destructive. We have to work to find a balance somewhere between the two.

I can’t ignore my cancer however I don’t feel that cancer has taken my life away from me, it has actually given me a chance to get it back.  It has afforded me the opportunity to step back from the hustle and bustle and spend more time focusing on what’s really important to me and those around me. When you’ve already been hit by the proverbial bus, every day, actually every interaction is that much more precious and there is so much more urgency to do the right thing because there may not be as many opportunities to get it right next time.

Talk to you soon

Lots of love Mand xxx

…and that’s a good thing to be!

Unremarkable is not a word I would have liked to have heard in association with me.  My individuality has always been important to me, I have never felt a need to follow the crowd and am comfortable with not conforming to many people’s ‘normal’.

That has not changed with this experience however, I have learned to be delighted to be classified as unremarkable and normal by my oncologist Dr Alexander! We saw her last week and my markers continue to be in the low 20s which is considered normal. That means the tumours are still sulking and failing to make progress… another positive negative ?

In other news, we are remodelling our very grandly named Secret Garden.  It’s actually not at all secret! It’s at the front of the house and when we moved in, it was the fenced in vegetable garden. We moved the veg garden to the back because we wanted to do more and it became a place to sit.  We now have a deck where we sit out so we hardly use it and decided to make a change.  The plan is to make it more like a secret garden which of course excites me. Inspired by Cadence (my cousin Nicole’s 9 year old daughter from Canada who spent the weekend with us along with her grandparents, my auntie Joan and uncle Herman) we are going to find a space for a fairy garden and we have already planted three trees rescued from the sick bay at the local garden centre. There is still loads to do but it’s an exciting project for me at least… Phil may not agree since he’s doing all the work and interpreting/adjusting my plan to make it work ?

Here’s a ‘before/just started’ photo, I’ll update you on our progress.

Talk to you soon

Lots of love Mand xxx

I am sorry it’s been so long since my last post.  I have been thinking about it a lot and as more things happen that I think you may be interested to hear about they become muddled in my mind.  Consequently  the task appears too big and the procrastination kicks in!

Well, as we all know and my counsellor has reinforced (more about her another time!) the first step to get out of the procrastination loop is to do something… so here I am ☺️

My mum is visiting this week while Richie is is sailing on the Norfolk Broads with his big brother James re-living their childhood summer holidays. Whilst inspired by the thought of recapturing the youthful joy of being on holiday, I can’t say that pitching a tent on a windy (and probably wet) camp site is giving me the desire to re-live my childhood holidays.  That doesn’t in any way deminish the feelings of joy, fun and adventure the memories hold; I just don’t feel the need to sleep on an inflatable mattress under canvas ? Sorry Dad!

Our Spanish holiday in June however is an entirely different proposition – we had the most amazing time. We stayed in three different locations on the Costa del Sol, each fabulous in a different way. The continuous sunshine and company of family  and friends in varying proportions was perfect.  We returned thoroughly relaxed and refreshed with hearts full of beautiful new memories including so many of the most beautiful wedding either of us have been part of (excluding ours of course!!)

I am continuing my phased return to work and am now regularly working 3 full days a week from home.  I have even been able to meet up with some of the ladies from the HOPE course on a Tuesday evening after working!  (I have to confess that I still struggle to resist the urge to nap on a Friday afternoon.)  It doesn’t seem that long ago that a day working left me barely able to have a conversation in the evening let alone go out.

I have an appointment with Dr Alexander, my oncologist next week and don’t expect anything remarkable from that, I’m still feeling good and coping much better with the fatigue.

I will talk to you again soon ?

Lots of love Mand xxx