Throughout my working life I have used the phrase ‘ignorance is not an excuse’. Many times when a process has failed the answer to the investigation has been “I didn’t know I was meant to/not meant to do x,y or z”. This sounded the alarm for lack of ownership and could quickly descend into judgment “you are responsible for the process, you should have ensured you understood it” “communication is a two way street” etc etc etc.
I’d like to think that I would react differently in the same situation now. I learned whilst in India last year that the word ‘should’ is very damaging. The instant that word is used it says you did something wrong, I am judging you (that ‘you’ is the person you are talking to which includes you when you’re talking to yourself! (My proof-reader Phil will hate all those ‘you’s!!)). I’m sure I’ve mentioned how important I think it is to use positive language when we speak to ourselves with our inner voice before so I won’t go on about it!
Anyhoo… I’ll get back to the point which is; it can be good to not know some things. Like when you receive the news of a cancer diagnosis, the general advice is to stay away from google and every parent I’m sure at some time has wondered what their teenagers are up to and then thought better not to know all of it! I was thinking about how we all know that anything could happen tomorrow, we don’t know what or when, people often remind me of that if I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself but there is a fundamental difference for someone who has received a terminal diagnosis of any kind. I have struggled to express it in the past and this week I had a lightbulb moment ? It’s like there is a dingy corner in the bathroom that could have a spider in it, it doesn’t mean there is one, just that there could be. That is the pre diagnosis situation. Then one day, a giant poisonous man eating spider creeps out and looks you up and down. Now we know there actually is a spider! The thing is, the spider can go back into the corner, hidden from sight but we now know that it’s there, whether we can see it or not, it’s there just planning its next move.
The great news is that I am no-longer afraid of spiders I just have a healthy respect for them ?
Talk to you soon
Lots of love Mand xxx