What the FEC

… its not quite sprung but Mother Nature is ramping up!

I love spring for many reasons, the recent rain is not at the top of my list of reasons (yes, of course I have a list!) however, I know that is essential and without it our land would not be as green and pleasant ?

Closer to the top of the list are snowdrops. For me they are the first sign of optimism a quiet declaration that there is still life in the earth; many things are taking a well deserved rest however it won’t be long before everything starts fighting for its own special place in the universe.  Some of the wildlife are also beginning their battles.  The birds are much more vocal, busily and loudly staking their claims on various trees, bushes and lengths of fence! An extra treat for us this week has been the hare who has chosen his mate in the field behind us and is chasing away any contenders.  They are of course too far away to get a photo of any quality but in a way I like that.  There’s no option other than to just soak up the experience with wonder and joy ❤

I had my bone treatment this morning and I was honoured to have the gorgeous Jo as my nurse ? She wears dark blue these days which makes her very important and I’m glad to report that it hasn’t changed her! She is just as kind, caring and fabulous as ever. I really consider myself very lucky to be in the care of such an amazing team.

I have an appointment with Dr Alexander on Wednesday this week, time flies!  It doesn’t seem 12 weeks since we last saw her. I’m expecting her to not have anything too interesting to say after all, I am a relentless optimist!

Talk to you soon, lots of love Mand ❤

 

I can hardly believe it’s been so long since my last post. It was when I was having a bone treatment and I suddenly realised that Christmas was only 4 weeks away and I was no where near ready for it!  It did race up on us but we were just about ready for it.

We had a really lovely time busy with almost back to back visitors as usual.  We also spent a night away!!  We joined Bryony, Chris and Amelie at Dad and Chris’ on Christmas Eve and then got up together on Christmas Day.  It’s about 30 years since Bryony and I woke up in the same house on Christmas Day and having Amelie who is now two around made it extra special.  I love all the hustle and bustle and too-ing and fro-ing that Christmas brings and there was plenty of time for relaxing too.

One extra thing this year was laughter yoga!  Virtually all visitors participated in sessions with me (mostly voluntarily!) Phil has a collection of photos taken of us, mostly during the relaxation or Yoga Nidra section at the end so it looks like we’re just lying around on the floor with blankets like kids on a sleepover!! I felt a real benefit from the sessions which motivated me to start my laughter yoga club.

In India, the clubs are held in parks.  Unfortunately that’s not quite as practical in Norfolk so I booked one of the small rooms at Hempnall village hall for three sessions and made a poster!  At the first session, two people came and we had a great time laughing together, at the second session, one of those two returned and 5 new people came!  Last week we were 5, it is awesome to have people to laugh with on a regular basis.  Last week I travelled down to Nailsea, Bristol to have a few days in the office and I did a session at lunch time.  There were 12 of us, my biggest group so far!  I was thrilled to have one colleague who I used to work a lot with in the session, afterwards this is how the conversation went:

Me: it’s so great to see you, I don’t know why but I wasn’t expecting to see you here!

Gareth:  well, someone asked me if I was coming and I thought, you’re a nutter so it’s bound to be fun!

I had a lovely time, I really get loads of energy from laughing with others ?

In other news, I’m still working three days a week.  Fridays I mostly lounge to recover from working then Mondays I mostly lounge to recover from the weekend and to prepare for working!

Today I am having a bone treatment and I know I’ll need a nap this afternoon and that I need to take extra care not to strain my back (by sitting in any position for too long) but it’s easy because I know what to expect now and most of the time I feel very ‘normal’.

I hope that you’ve all had a fabulous start to 2017 and that it continues to be so.

Talk to you soon

Lots of love Mand xxx❤xxx

 

Good morning lovely people!

I’m back at the hospital for my bone treatment. It’s great that now I almost forget between treatments that I have cancer. Mentally I am in a really great place, the dark days are becoming less and less frequent and my trip to India seems to have cemented my mindfulness and being present so I am really not worrying about anything that might or could happen.  It’s as if a switch has been flipped and I can really let things go.  I always tried before, I’d read the books and attended the webinars and although I knew a lot about it and believed I was practicing it, I am so much closer than I have ever been ? and it feels good.

We did have a very sad event last week.  Our tiny terrorist cat Munchie had been such a trooper coping with his diabetes for the last few years and latterly pancreatitis. We were testing and injecting him twice a day and he got to a place where he wasn’t going out much and it seemed that he wasn’t having any fun anymore when he had more down days than up days we had to make the decision to let him go.  It was sad, really sad, he gave us so much, we’ll even miss the endless supply of headless rabbits that he so generously and regularly brought us.  We love you loads Munchie ❤️

Focussing on the present, I am now looking for volunteers to practice my laughter yoga with.  Face to face is best and groups are even better but if you’d like to join me on Skype that could be done too… just let me know if you’re interested and I’ll see what I can set up!

Before you sign up…. here are 3 reasons to do it:

1.  To get the scientifically proven health benefits of laughter, we need to laugh almost continually for 10 to 15 minutes.  As we do laughter as an exercise in Laughter Yoga we can prolong our laughter for as long as we want, if we rely on ‘natural laughter’ we may have a long wait! Natural laughter generally comes in 2 to 5 second bursts and on average we laugh 10 to 15 times a day (children laugh significantly more 300 to 400 times a day ?)
2. To really reap the health benefits of laughter, it has to be loud and deep, coming from the diaphragm.  Laughter Yoga gives you a safe environment where you can laugh heartily without any social implications.
3. Natural laughter in adults comes from conditions and reasons, Laughter Yoga is unconditional laughter so we are not leaving it to chance.  By practicing laughter we’re making sure we get the health benefits.

I’ll tell you more about the health benefits next time!  My treatment is now complete for another 4 weeks… which is after Christmas eek! ?

Talk to you soon

Lots of love Mand xxx

 

 

 

 

Continue reading Namaste ?

…well, not totally slacking, I’ve been really quite busy!

The week we got the great news from Dr Alexander we had Phil’s mum Joan with us, it was lovely to see her and as I’m still working three days a week from home, she got to spend some quality time with Phil too which I think they both enjoyed ?

The following week I went up to Mum and Richie’s for a week.  Booie flew over from sunny California to Manchester and we all had a lovely week together ❤️  Mum had coordinated a schedule that revolved around meals and naps which was awesome!  We seemed to pack in loads and we had some great food.  I would definitely recommend the Catch 22 fish restaurant in Chesterfield, the food was delicious  ?  I could mention all the restaurants we went to but as this isn’t a food blog I’ll leave it at that – it was my favourite, this is the soft shell crab I had as a starter!

Bryony came down to spend a day with us too, we really did have a lovely time ? It was such fun, we were teenagers again with no responsibilities for a little while!

The following week was a bit random because I’d had my work laptop refreshed while I was on holiday and as I’m sure many of you will relate, this is often not a seamless process regardless of company you work for!!  I love technology because it gives us a level of connectivity that is awesome with email, what’s app facebook etc, but it is not without its downsides.  The biggest of which for me is the mystery that shrouds most of it and the consequential requirement for ‘support’… I’ll share my favourite quote from an IT support person…

Me: I can’t get my laptop do do this thing it used to do

IT person: Well it’s not actually your laptop is it? It belongs to the company

Me: The company’s laptop that I use no-longer does this thing that it used to do

IT person: Have you tried rebooting?

Anyhooo, I got it all sorted after a quick trip to Histon which included the bonus of popping in to see Dad and Chris – it would have been rude not to ?

Last week, Phil’s sister Penny came to visit for a few days.  As always, it was great to spend time with her and she got the opportunity to chill in the sticks with no distractions while I was working.

I have been thinking a lot about how important it is to make time for yourself to just be.  No screens, sounds, phones and other distractions just being in the moment absorbing what is in that moment.  I strongly believe that my great progress is at least partly due to the fact that I have slowed down considerably and given my mind and body the space it needs to just be.

I have also been thinking a lot about my need for contribution.  With the encouraging support of my counsellor Liz, I have been working on how I can achieve this.  I don’t mean to become overly repetitive but I have always believed that if something is worthy of repeating we have a responsibility to share it.  I think that it is my responsibility to get out there and show people that a ‘stage four’ cancer diagnosis does not have to mean imminent doom.  Whilst remaining cognisant that not all people with that diagnosis will be as lucky as I have been… I feel an obligation to at least try.

My research into reflection, happiness, wellbeing, fun, joy…. you get the idea… has ultimately led me to one thing; Laughter Yoga

Of course, never being one to do things by halves, next week I am taking a ‘pilgrimage’ on my own to Bangalore, India to learn all about it from the Guru himself ?

I can’t explain how important I feel this is for my own personal wellbeing as well as the opportunities to share it with anyone and everyone.  In my mind there is no better place to start than with a man who’s ambition is “Health, Happiness and World Peace”!

I can’t wait to tell you all about it ❣️

Talk to you soon

Lots of love, Mand xxx

 

 

Awesome is a word that I feel is generally over used (myself included) but today I can’t think of one more appropriate.

A couple of weeks ago on a Saturday morning I had a routine CT scan, today we went to see Dr Alexander to get the results.  I was due to see her on Friday and yesterday I had a call from her secretary.  She explained that a clinic had been cancelled and there was a requirement to make some space on Friday so could I go in this afternoon.  Now, there was no reason for me to doubt that she was telling the truth however, there was still a tiny voice in the back of my mind saying “maybe something is wrong and they need to see me quickly”.  Generally my inner voice is one of reason and sensibility and I’m not a worrier but there was just a little doubt.

This time it was way off the mark!  Dr Alexander came to get me from the waiting room herself with an enormous smile.  When we got into the consulting room She handed me the radiologist’s report and simply said “you read it”.

It began with the chest… Blah blah unchanged in size and appearance, that’s good, keeping the sulking tumour at bay, result.  Then the abdomen.  Fatty liver (a bit rude!) then, pay attention, this is the best bit:

‘The previously seen multiple  hypodense liver metastases are no longer visible and an accurate quantitative  measurement cannot be made.’

I have visualised my glory of unicorns galloping around inside me giving the tumours what for but even I could not believe that they have made that much progress. What word could you use other than awesome?

The next sentence begins ‘Otherwise, unremarkable….’ Now we know that although not fully comfortable with being labelled unremarkable, I am learning to embrace it!!

To be completely honest, it is so far beyond what I was expecting because the tumours in my liver haven’t  really got much smaller before.  I am quite overwhelmed but absolutely delighted to be able to share such amazing news.   My markers were at 19 on the latest blood test keeping me tightly in the normal zone; in the words of my friend Donna “wow, just wow!’.

In other news, we have made great progress in the secret garden. Dad and Chris came for the weekend and did loads with us and then came back the following weekend to help finish off!  I haven’t finished the fairy garden yet but here are some photos of the rest.

The ultimate eco ‘water’ feature – a stack of logs with sedums!

A secret hideaway bench (well it will be when the clematis and honeysuckle get going!)

Dad got busy with the chainsaw and made a couple of log benches

Inspired by my friend Tina’s ‘indoors outdoors’ we made an upcycled ‘dresser’

And just to show off, here’s my new favourite chart!

I know that I wouldn’t have got to this place without all the love and support I have had from you all, once again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️

Talk to you soon

Lots of love Mand xxx

 

We spent the day with family on Sunday which is always a treat.  My sister Bryony was working with her beautiful daughter Amelie on her communication skills (she is almost two!!) “use your words Amelie” she was saying in a gentle encouraging way, it was really lovely to witness that connection between them and I just know that soon (in what will seem like a millisecond) there will be no stopping her and everyone will know exactly what she wants ?

The thing is, even when you’re 45 you can’t always think of the right words or find the right way to get a thought out there without coming across in a way that you did not intend, which could leave your audience confused or even worse offended.

Where I am right now, some of my thoughts offend me let alone anyone else!

Liz, my counsellor found an article written by a lady in a very similar position to me.  Click here to read the words of Martha Carlson.  The most poignant line for me is “These are not the words our friends want to hear, and often they are not the words we, ourselves, want to say.”

I agree with the phrase ‘some things are better left unsaid’ and we have a running joke in the family ‘think before you speak, is this comment going to enhance our relationship?’ However, I am also aware that keeping too much bottled up inside can be destructive. We have to work to find a balance somewhere between the two.

I can’t ignore my cancer however I don’t feel that cancer has taken my life away from me, it has actually given me a chance to get it back.  It has afforded me the opportunity to step back from the hustle and bustle and spend more time focusing on what’s really important to me and those around me. When you’ve already been hit by the proverbial bus, every day, actually every interaction is that much more precious and there is so much more urgency to do the right thing because there may not be as many opportunities to get it right next time.

Talk to you soon

Lots of love Mand xxx

…and that’s a good thing to be!

Unremarkable is not a word I would have liked to have heard in association with me.  My individuality has always been important to me, I have never felt a need to follow the crowd and am comfortable with not conforming to many people’s ‘normal’.

That has not changed with this experience however, I have learned to be delighted to be classified as unremarkable and normal by my oncologist Dr Alexander! We saw her last week and my markers continue to be in the low 20s which is considered normal. That means the tumours are still sulking and failing to make progress… another positive negative ?

In other news, we are remodelling our very grandly named Secret Garden.  It’s actually not at all secret! It’s at the front of the house and when we moved in, it was the fenced in vegetable garden. We moved the veg garden to the back because we wanted to do more and it became a place to sit.  We now have a deck where we sit out so we hardly use it and decided to make a change.  The plan is to make it more like a secret garden which of course excites me. Inspired by Cadence (my cousin Nicole’s 9 year old daughter from Canada who spent the weekend with us along with her grandparents, my auntie Joan and uncle Herman) we are going to find a space for a fairy garden and we have already planted three trees rescued from the sick bay at the local garden centre. There is still loads to do but it’s an exciting project for me at least… Phil may not agree since he’s doing all the work and interpreting/adjusting my plan to make it work ?

Here’s a ‘before/just started’ photo, I’ll update you on our progress.

Talk to you soon

Lots of love Mand xxx

I am sorry it’s been so long since my last post.  I have been thinking about it a lot and as more things happen that I think you may be interested to hear about they become muddled in my mind.  Consequently  the task appears too big and the procrastination kicks in!

Well, as we all know and my counsellor has reinforced (more about her another time!) the first step to get out of the procrastination loop is to do something… so here I am ☺️

My mum is visiting this week while Richie is is sailing on the Norfolk Broads with his big brother James re-living their childhood summer holidays. Whilst inspired by the thought of recapturing the youthful joy of being on holiday, I can’t say that pitching a tent on a windy (and probably wet) camp site is giving me the desire to re-live my childhood holidays.  That doesn’t in any way deminish the feelings of joy, fun and adventure the memories hold; I just don’t feel the need to sleep on an inflatable mattress under canvas ? Sorry Dad!

Our Spanish holiday in June however is an entirely different proposition – we had the most amazing time. We stayed in three different locations on the Costa del Sol, each fabulous in a different way. The continuous sunshine and company of family  and friends in varying proportions was perfect.  We returned thoroughly relaxed and refreshed with hearts full of beautiful new memories including so many of the most beautiful wedding either of us have been part of (excluding ours of course!!)

I am continuing my phased return to work and am now regularly working 3 full days a week from home.  I have even been able to meet up with some of the ladies from the HOPE course on a Tuesday evening after working!  (I have to confess that I still struggle to resist the urge to nap on a Friday afternoon.)  It doesn’t seem that long ago that a day working left me barely able to have a conversation in the evening let alone go out.

I have an appointment with Dr Alexander, my oncologist next week and don’t expect anything remarkable from that, I’m still feeling good and coping much better with the fatigue.

I will talk to you again soon ?

Lots of love Mand xxx

Well, what an action packed few weeks, it makes me exhausted just thinking about it, literally!

Let’s start with a quick catch-up.  I attend the first 5 sessions of the HOPE course and learned about:

• making SMARTER goals
• practicing gratitude
• relaxation techniques
• coping with fatigue
• coping with ‘what next?’ thinking
• mindfulness
• body image and intimacy
• communication
• And so much more!

I am sad to be missing the last one tomorrow night but it’s for a happy reason (more on that in a minute ?). I have made more new friends who are going to be an important part of my life going forward.

In my last blog I said how surprised I was at just how rewarding the conversations with other survivors are, I continue benefit from these new friendships but I am struggling to find the words to describe it – I know it’s not like me to be unable to find words but I will consider it a challenge for a future blog!

The next monumental thing since I last blogged was a trip to the office in Bristol.  I know I told you that I have been gradually phasing back into work.  Due to changes in the organisation structure, most of the team I now work with are based in Bristol rather than Aberdeen.  It had been on my mind a lot that the journey to Bristol is more tricky than that to Aberdeen because it means taking the train into London, the tube across to Paddington station and then a train out to Bristol.  Driving that distance isn’t an option at the moment and would take as long anyway.  From the moment I booked the train until I arrived in Bristol I was worried about it.  I didn’t sleep properly and even though I knew that whatever happened, I could just get in a taxi and go home, I was all over the place!

Of course, everything was absolutely fine.  Meeting some of my new colleagues for the first time and bumping into some old faces was great and I’m really glad I did it ?.

Finally (for now) I had an appointment with the oncologist last Wednesday and my markers are still sitting nicely in the ‘normal’ zone.  We were particularly delighted because I was worried that all the stress I had put myself through may have impacted them but it’s all good.  The tamoxifen seems to be doing its job (along with the unicorns et al) and the tumours are sitting there sulking because they can’t do anything. I like that image!

I had a bone treatment his morning and now we are sitting at Norwich airport – just about to board a flight to Malaga – I think I am as excited as I have ever been!!

Talk to you soon

Lots of love Mand xxx