What the FEC

Once again I find myself apologising for the length of time between blogs… a lot has happened.

When I was feeling so rough last Christmas 2019 we came to the monumental decision (for us) to move. We both really loved where we lived in the countryside in Norfolk and had thought that it was our ‘forever home’. The thing is having a plot that size requires work and when I couldn’t do much more than look after myself and not even much of that in October… the home and gardens were becoming a chore. Maintenance was something that had to be done rather than something we could enjoy doing. We decided that we needed to downsize. Surprisingly to us both, it felt like a weight had been lifted rather than the expected feeling of sadness that we were preparing to leave our much loved home where we had been for almost 13 years.

I recently saw a quote that said something like ‘express gratitude for what you had in place of sadness of what you lost’. I’m sure that the power of gratitude is not something new to you however the power of gratitude and self compassion have been getting a lot of press lately and rightly so (in my opinion!). This really summed up how we were feeling; our focus was totally on the new lifestyle we were planning to have rather than the old lifestyle we were leaving behind (along with all its wonderful experiences which we will never forget ❤).

Once we had decided to leave the house, the decision of where to go was relatively easy, we were going back up north. After some consideration, we finally set our hearts on Derbyshire. Close to Mum & Richie and our old haunts as well as being closer to my little sister Bryony (and her beautiful family Christopher and their two daughters in Leeds), my step siblings and wider family and we now have Dad and Chris up in Leeds too! All without being any further away from Phil’s family in Gosport, and closer to those in Northumberland.

Once we had designed our future lifestyle by imagining what we’d like to be doing with our time we were able to make a list of criteria for the kind of place we’d like to live. I started packing boxes… we had (and still do have) a lot of stuff!! We went live on the market on the day the whole country went into national lockdown, March 23rd.

On June 22nd we had our first viewing, a lovely lady who fell in love with it, her husband came the following day and we accepted an offer… long story short, we moved all our belongings into storage and ourselves and Dude into Mum’s in Chesterfield on August 12th. After a fabulous and well needed sunny rest at Mum and Richie’s on September 7th we took ownership of a bungalow on the hill in Hasland, Chesterfield.

Just about one year after I started packing boxes, I am still unpacking boxes but we’re gradually getting there!!

Things are not quite as we has planned. We haven’t yet been able to spend the time with family and friends that we had planned as part of our new lifestyle, we haven’t even been able to visit Dad and Chris in their new home but we know that we will. The wonderful things include an open sky view looking over the valley to the south from the sunny kitchen diner and have built a little kitchen garden; well we couldn’t have nothing to eat in the garden!! Mum has split loads of beautiful herbaceous perennials from her garden to fill the originally sparsely planted borders. We’ve redecorated throughout (I say we but in reality I have done very little!) and have new carpets. It really feels like home even though we haven’t got any pictures up yet. Like I said we’re getting there.

Whilst I realise that for many people 2020 felt like a year of sadness, fear, frustration and disappointment, for us along with those emotions were change, excitement, opportunity and most importantly love. By choosing to focus on the latter with gratitude, we will remember 2020 fondly.

My Mum sent me a beautiful video by a lady called Raageshwari reflecting on 2020 and my favourite part was this; ‘Gratitude tricks the brain and puts us in a place of abundance, it helps us to focus on what we have rather than what we don’t have and the truth is that we have all evolved, matured and grown at another level altogether in 2020’

I hope that you are able to find some gratitude for 2020 and can head into 2021 with a heart abundant with love.

Talk to you soon

Lots of love

Mand ❤

“The most powerful thing you can do right now is to be patient while things are unfolding for you.” unknown

I know that in this busy world patience isn’t something that’s easy to cultivate. As a person with an inbuilt requirement to find the positives in any given situation, one of the things I have enjoyed observing in this pandemic is the focus there has been on the people who have more spare time than before because they’re unable to go out socialising, to the gym or to restaurants to eat etc.. and what they have chosen to do to fill some of that time.

In reality there are more extremes in operation. There will be people who have never been so busy… people who continue to do a full time job (albeit from home) and have added to that home schooling their children and having to prepare meals every day where school/work may have provided lunches and takeaways/restaurant meals were sometimes an easier option for an easy tea amid after school clubs (remember those?) and evening conference calls. There will of course be some at the opposite end of that extreme. People who find themselves furloughed, forced to stay home when work was their only escape from ‘home’. I could go on but my role is not to depress you… I just like to make you think!

I’m sure we’re mostly familiar with the analogy that dealing with change is like the grieving process and we have to go through the different stages in the Change Curve (or U bend as I affectionately refer to it 😍 ) to get out of the other side and be comfortable with said change. This all takes time. We don’t always have much time to adapt as the recent pandemic has shown us.

So what if we all could become much more relaxed about change? Would it make life easier or would it just result in chaos? Before I was diagnosed, I was a self confessed control freak. I liked to know exactly what was happening, when and particularly why. I preferred to be the one that was setting the schedules and would often complete a task myself rather than risk someone else doing it ‘the wrong way’ (read as not my way!).

When you find your world turned upside down, being at the mercy of others setting the schedules and sharing what information they deem appropriate, when they decide to share it, with so many unknowns… it sounds like the stuff of nightmares. For a while it felt like it was. But then I began to appreciate the freedom it gives me. In reality everything is constantly changing – every cell in our being to begin with – and we waste so much energy trying to fight it and mould it back into the desired shape. I think the trouble is; when things are always the same, they become at risk of disappearing from view. I know you’ve heard this saying:

The NHS is a great example of this. We have a great rally at the moment because we’re suddenly aware how important, valuable, unique, amazing (I could go on) our NHS is. Cast your mind back 6 months, can you remember hearing such a great ratio of positive to negative feedback on the NHS? I know I don’t. I remember having to repeatedly say ‘well in my experience they’ve been brilliant’ constantly defending the amazing team supporting me when people all around me were finding fault. Having a sister who lives in America and has shared how the medical system ‘works’ there is enough to inspire gratitude in the most sceptical among us for sure. Getting back to the point, I think that we feel comfortable criticising it because it’s there, it always has been (for most of us) and we don’t expect it to not be there.

We had stopped noticing what a luxury it is to have it. Like the wood that we drive past on the way to work that we never visit or think about until we see the diggers moving in to rip them down and build a housing estate. Like the river that we cross and assume is thriving but never stop to look down into the water to see that it is filled with shopping trolleys, plastic bags and fast food wrappers and is slowly dying. Like the old lady at the end of the road who spends days that now stretch into weeks without having a conversation with anyone. Not another living soul. Her neighbours not giving it a second thought until they see an ambulance outside.

What I’m saying is that change makes us take notice. It wakes us from our state of comfortable Alpha Sleep, makes us see what is going on around us and gives us the opportunity to embrace those changes, to engage with the communities impacted by the change and maybe even be a part of the change and in turn, that will help us realise that patience is required in these situations. No change is easy. It’s not easy to plan when you’re doing it in advance, with a clear purpose but when we are thrust into a situation like a pandemic where change is forced, sudden, not totally understood and required to be incredibly fluid whilst we figure out the best way to deal with it the difficulty is multiplied immensely and patience becomes even harder to find.

Patience, along with kindness, understanding, tolerance, love and all that other ‘hippy dippy BS’ that we don’t all buy into is required now more than ever. I got this ‘hippy dippy BS’ phrase from my latest discovery. Dr Lawrie Santos. She is a cognitive scientist and Professor of Psychology at Yale University amongst other things and she does a brilliant (in my opinion) pod cast series called ‘The Happiness Lab‘. What I love most about her is that she is backing up all the ‘hippy dippy BS’ about happiness and the importance of community and connection to our general wellbeing with science – Whoop Whoop!

So this blog is a bit of a call to arms. Try to embrace the hippy dippy BS (backed by science). If that’s a step too far, at least summon some patience to understand that these times are difficult and scary for all of us, even those tasked with guiding us through it. No-one has all the answers and whilst we’re in this fluid state of change, try to embrace the opportunity it gives you to see things from a different perspective and maybe even get involved in something new.

The more observant among you may have noticed a new link on the home page peacock stripe on the left hand side of the page ‘Laughter Yoga Sessions‘. As you know, I have started to feel stronger, (although I can’t lay flat or bend forwards very far yet) but I couldn’t re-start my Laughter Yoga Friday Club at the village hall so I have recorded some sessions and posted them here on that page (live streaming was beyond our broadband capacity!). I’d love you to have a look and maybe add a little extra laughter to your day by joining in. I really don’t mind if you laugh at me or with me. Either way you’re laughing and benefiting from the release of all those happy and healthy hormones into your bloodstream!

Talk to you soon,
Lots of love Mand ❤

Phil has a habit of noting memorable events in his electronic diary so that he is reminded of those events on their ‘anniversary’ in future years. Today is 5 years since my diagnosis.  I have mixed feelings about it – should this anniversary be something to celebrate?

I remember the day so clearly. I had been having tests for several weeks, each one being inconclusive, each becoming a bit more intense. The clincher was a biopsy on the lesions in my liver, the only way to determine what was really going on in my body. Nobody thought or wanted to believe it was anything sinister, including all the consultants and medical staff.  Sometimes things just aren’t as they appear on the surface.

Luckily, I still don’t really believe that this is anything sinister or anything that I need to be scared of or angry about.  It just is what it is and luckily, life goes on and I am sure there are many people in far more difficult situations.  I think about all those amazing human beings working in the NHS, supermarkets, postal and delivery workers, those providing meals to the needy, anyone who goes out to work and potentially exposes themselves to this virus.  I think about how they must feel, especially if they’re going home to loved ones and can’t be sure, (however careful they’ve been) that they’re not taking it home with them.  The courage they display is far more than anything I’m dealing with.  My heart goes out particularly to those who may be put in a position where they have to make a decision about who to treat if there are too many patients.  I’m sure that weighs heavily on them too.  There are no words.

Please obey the rules and do your bit to protect us all.  Become a hermit, just for a bit… you might like it 😍

Thank you to all of you who are keeping our worlds turning.  Please stay safe ❤️

lots of love Mand xxx

Since I last blogged in October I have very slowly been getting better but seemed to plateau in December. I read a bit about blood clots and found that if they have been around for a long time (mine started in May last year but we mistook the symptoms for sinusitis) they can leave residue like scarring which is permanent. Dr Alexander and Pip Penny (my oncology team) brought together a cross functional team including haematology, vascular surgery and interventional radiology to look at my case. After considerable discussion and contemplation they arrived at a potential solution which they named ‘angioplasty gentle’. The plan is to go in and try to alleviate the restriction in flow by using a traditional ‘balloon’ approach, check it’s effectiveness with ultrasound inside the vein (wow!) and if that’s not fixed it, insert a stent. They don’t really want to have to insert a stent because it’s very rare to put one into the jugular and there is not much evidence of their longevity so if that is the outcome, it will have to be closely monitored… I’m pretty much in that place now so it shouldn’t make much difference!! This was scheduled to be carried out 02/04/2020.

Hurrah! At last, some light at the end of the tunnel. It has taken 3 months to get from the ‘I’m just not getting any better’ discussion to this point.

And then Coronavirus kicked in.

It’s the most bizarre situation. It’s like having cancer doesn’t matter, we’re all in the same boat together. People are saying “isn’t this great having all this extra time, but so hard not being able to get out and about to do what I want to do”. I have pretty much been in this situation since September! I can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve been out other than to the hospital or doctors! But then having cancer does matter, we realise that if we’re classed as vulnerable, we’re put in a different boat. The ‘shielding’ is as much about protecting everyone else as it is about protecting ourselves. Basically it feels like we’re being told ‘please protect yourselves because we’ve got more important people to protect’ and I get that but I think that message may be damaging for many people. My mum who is a very young 72 says she had never felt old, until this, having it pointed out on such a regular basis makes her really feel it now. The thing is I think I’ve had this sense that I needed to contribute since my diagnosis (as you’ll know from reading my blog) but it’s only now that I’m seeing I have this underlying guilt that I am draining the valuable resources of the NHS and wider universe so I’d better be sure that I’m worth it 😍

When my surgery was cancelled, it was for two reasons really… they said that I was too vulnerable to risk being in the hospital for surgery and because this surgery is not life-saving (they’re quite rightly prioritising the stretched resources). It will hopefully be life-changing, hugely improving my quality of life, but I won’t die if I don’t have it so I can wait another who knows how long (but at least 3 months) to have it. At least the light is still there and I know that something can be done when the time is right.

I was talking to my friend Liz across the field about it (digitally of course!) and said I feel that we’re so lucky in so many ways, I can’t complain and she said, “the lucky people are those who can see how lucky they are”. I love that ❤️

I have been procrastinating over writing a blog because I was waiting for good news or at least closure to a story (there have been several running through this last few months) but I realise that sometimes I need to just say something to let you know where I am and what I’m doing so I will try harder from now on 😍

Next Friday at 09:45 I will be on Facebook live at Mand’s Laughter Yoga doing a 45 minute session of laughter and relaxation. Why not join me from the safety of your home? Laugh with me or at me, you’ll benefit either way, I promise!

Please stay safe

Talk to you soon

Lots of love, Mand ❤️

…… it’s just not something I’m very familiar with!

I have now been home for a week after spending almost a week in hospital.  To be completely honest it all feels as if it’s happenened in 5 minutes and yet I can’t remember what normal is even like.  I feel as if I have been to some alternate dimension without having missed a minute…. confused? Me too!!!

The good news is, of course, that everything is going to be absolutely fine.  I am going to recover and the universe will continue to be a beautiful and inspiring experience ❤️ this is also going to take time.  I am still getting my head around not only how this has been such an emotional experience for me but also why.  I really don’t get it yet and I have limited capacity to explore it right now so this may be a drawn-out process which I’m not sure how I’m going to approach but as this is my place for reluctant ramblings I thought I’d do some of it here 😍

I’ll give you a potted version of facts for today and then I’ll share as I get more into it in the coming weeks if I think you may find it of interest.

As far back as May/June I thought I had a sinus infection.  Typical symptoms including a bit of dizziness, sore face, pressure leaning forwards along with a slight strangulation sensation.  My immune system was all good, no sign of infection, just a virus, keep being healthy.  At the end of July I got the fist swelling around my face and neck.  Another sign of sinus issues, a trip to the doctors resulted in antibiotics which after a double course seemed to relieve it.  I told Pip my oncology nurse about it and she asked me to let them know if it flared up again …. it did…. so I did… thoroughly examined by the acute oncology team, including ultrasound around my face and sinuses.   Just an unfortunate virus, more antibiotics, mouth wash, snot busting drugs etc etc

At some point in here I also had my port flushed.

By the end of September it seemed to be getting a little better but then it suddenly got much worse.  I realised that my sense of smell, taste, hearing even my sight were all compromised the pressure in my head became unbearable – even my arms and hands were blown up like balloons and I felt strangely as if air (or something far more unpleasant) may begin seeping from my skin.

Friday morning I made my 3 visit of the week to my gp and was sent directly to the acute medical unit at the Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital bypassing a&e with a white face and blue lips!

It took until Monday morning to get a CT scan to determine the cause.  During that time there were several scenarios up for debate. (These are not exact clinical terms and references, just what I remember)

• Cranial progression; where the cancer has spread to the external bones of the skull
• Coronary or venal mass; where there is new tumour growth in my veins or heart, potential requirement to insert shunt or treat with radiation
• Lymphedema; blockages in the lymphatic system
• Inter Jugular Vein (IJV) Thrombosis; blood clot in the jugular

The good thing is it’s the clot.  I will completely recover.  The not so good thing is that although the drugs will prevent it from getting any bigger, only my body can disperse it and it needs time to do that, patience and time.  If I do nothing, I still have compromised hearing, sight, smell and taste, along with the throb of pressure throughout my head.  As soon as I do anything (even talk with too much enhusiasm or sit up or lay down too flat….) the pressure builds and I get out of breath.  I am being given steroids to help with the inflammation which appear to have made me even more food obsessed (something I would not have believed possible 😖) poor Phil is having to do everything for me including sating my insatiable and very particular appetite…..

Maybe this is why it has hit me so hard because even I am struggling to find the positive spin here and I do generally consider that my forte!  My emotions have been all over the place, I have been irrational and I have cried … a lot… it doesn’t feel like me just now.  The thing I hold onto is that I have not lost sight of how lucky I am to have such an amazing supportive network around me that will get me through this, hopefully a better person on the other side ❤️ I know there is something great to come from this.

Talk to you soon

Lots of love Mand ❤️

 

The last couple of months have disappeared in a blur.

March began with a thing I did not expect to hear which came from Phil.  To give you a little background, he is the kind of man who is happy to complain about minor (or indeed potentially major) ailments to me, but rarely goes to see the doctor until I have told him to “stop telling me about it unless you’re going to see a doctor about it” in a particularly unsympathetic tone.  So now you can imagine my surprise when he said to me on a Sunday evening (after he’d driven home from a weekend in Portsmouth with his college friends) “I think I’ll call the doctor in the morning; I’ve got a weird feeling in my chest”.

Fast forward to 16:45 on Monday afternoon and he returns from the doctor’s surgery:

Phil: “I’m just popping to a&e; the doctor is 99% certain that it’s just stress but he wants me to have a blood test to be sure and I have to go to the hospital for it”.

Me: “oh, would you like me to come with you?”

Phil: “no, I’ll be fine”

Me: “I will come with you”

Phil: “ok, but I’m driving!”

Me: “are you sure that’s ok?”

Phil: “yes I’m sure, let’s just go”

Fast forward (trust me though, it didn’t feel fast) to 21:00…

Doctor: “well Mr Black, it appears that your bleurghdeblah enzyme is elevated”

Phil: “oh”

Me: “what does that mean?”

Doctor: “it means that you are either having or have recently had a heart attack”

Me and Phil: “😱”

Phil spent the night in a side room of a&e attached to a monitor.  He spent the next four days and three nights in the Kilverstone (cardiac care) ward strapped up to a monitor with 24 hour surveillance.  During that’s time he spent a few hours in the angiogram room having one stent fitted and recovering from a TIA (mini stroke) and two days waiting to go back in to have two or three more stents put in when at 8pm on Friday they said “we’ve decided you can wait to have the other stents done as a day procedure so you can go home now!” We said “😱”

So we came home with a carrier bag full of drugs, a copy of ‘The Heart Manual’, hearts full of joy to be going home together and heads full of fear of the unknown.  I never thought I’d be so glad to hear Phil snoring, at least it confirmed that he was breathing that first night home!

Gradually we have learned how to cope with it.  Phil has been attending a rehab clinic which has really helped.  There are so many things you’re not sure of; things like you know you have to do some exercise, but how much is the right amount, how do you know if all the medication is doing what it should and is it normal to feel this or that?

I am delighted to say that Phil is recovering really well and is very positive about a healthier and more active future.

As you know, I like to find positives in every situation, this one is no exception, in fact I believe there are many positives for both of us 😍

The main thing is that it has kickstarted us into a more active lifestyle.  I had become very sedentary particularly whilst my feet were so sore and with the fatigue that the capecitabine gives me I wasn’t doing very much at all.  To be honest, historically I haven’t been very interested in exercise (other than a few fad periods and the 12 months leading up to my diagnosis where I was doing Zumba regularly and starting to take up running with a somewhat extended version of the couch to 10k!) and any excuse to avoid it was readily utilised.  That said, I had drawn Phil into this lifestyle with me and we had both become professional couch potatoes. We did not realise just how sedentary we had become until we were forced to take a look at ourselves.

These days I regularly say things like “I love my bike” and “let’s go for a bike ride” and “I want to do some yoga this morning” 🤣🤣🤣 I am laughing as I type that because it is just so not me!!

I must confess this has been a gradual process, in the first days after Phil’s heart attack I was just exhausted.   Luckily we had Phil’s friend of nearly 40 years Franck who stepped in and did lots of the dog walks for me and hoovered and brought in logs for the log burner etc he was an absolute life saver.  Going from being an absolute lady of leisure to having to run the house was a shock to the system but quickly Phil wanted to do more and as the manual said it was good to do things (as long as it didn’t make him grunt!) he started to get back into things.  He was back in the kitchen first which was a relief for both of us to be honest!!!  Now we are sharing the chores more (Franck is still doing the hoovering!) and we’re doing more together which is actually quite fun.

It’s not all plain sailing and there is still adjustment to be done but on the whole we feel like we’re coming out of the other side and are feeling better for it 😀

As always, I’ll keep you posted.

Talk to you soon

Lots of love Mand ❤️

 

I can hardly believe that the year is just about over, it has flown by, it doesn’t seem more than a couple of weeks since last Christmas!

When I reflect back on the year, it has been surprisingly busy, there have been some real highs and some deep lows. I thought I’d do a quick review of the year ❤️

In January, we had our belated Christmas celebration in Gosport with Joan, Tony and Penny and went to see Pompey play. Penny and I got to cuddle Frogmore and we all had a fabulous time.

 

Later in the month I went to the strictly tour in Leeds with Chris and Bryony, it was an amazing show and a lovely long weekend with family.

In February I saw Dr Alexander my oncologist and got a good report, everything seems stable, gold star!  My old (yes I know you’re 6 months younger than me!) friend Gabi and my goddaughter Molly came to stay for a few days and we had a creative time having lots of fun.

In March, we had a lovely Chappell  family weekend (once we managed to get out through the snow) on the Norfolk Broads celebrating Richie’s 70th Birthday.  Booie came home for two weeks to celebrate with us so we were able to do lots together which was an added bonus.

April began with Easter.  We had Dad, Chris, Bryony, Chris and Amelie here for a very wet Easter egg hunt and loads of laughter.  We also managed a 30 minute (well maybe a few hours!) makeover of the lounge and dining room… it still feels fresh and it’s really relaxing.

My gorgeous friend Claire also came to visit from Derbyshire and as always we overdosed on laughter and sunshine (the sun always shines when she visits!).

In May we celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary by going out for lunch with our fab friends Tina and Shaun which is always a treat.  We established a sewing (for ‘sewing’ read ‘coffee and chat’) club with my two neighbours Debs and Sarah.  To be able to walk to a weekly get together with these engaging like-minded ladies is an absolute delight and has brought another essential level of connection into my life 😁

June was a a little less busy but I still managed to attend an afternoon tea with my May Gurney work bestie Kerry in support of Breast Cancer Care and we went down to Gosport to spend a couple of days with the Blacks.  Tony had a heart attack in January which was followed by a stroke he was making a good recovery and it was great to all be together with some sense of normality. As we know (because I keep talking about it!) ‘normal’ is relative…

At the beginning of July I made soap for the first time with my inspiring friend Hajira.  Tony had another heart attack.  It may sound naive but every one of his events surprised us.

Phil and I went away with Dad, Chris, Bryony, Chris and Amelie to Estepona in Spain to celebrate Chris’s Birthday… I can’t tell you which one because it’s a secret!  We had a lovely time but I’ve already told you about that 😁

August continued with more glorious sunshine and I attended a truly liberating and inspiring workshop with Bryony and Tina called the He’art of thriving with Kimberley Hare.  It’s based on the three principles and has reinforced the joy of living in the moment, the waste of energy dwelling on the past and the pointlessness of associating future happiness with anything other than one’s own innate capacity for love ❤️

In September we had visits from my Hungarian friend Zora, Mum & Richie with Maddie from Canada and Penny and Joan (not all at the same time!). Phil has been a superstar 🌟

October was equally jam packed!  My beautiful goddaughter Ellie married Stu in the most dreamy location in Clitheroe, there was so much love in that place it was almost overwhelming; my heart and face ached with it (that’s a good thing 😘)

The following day I caught the train down to London, Phil was left to drive the long journey home alone, and I met up with Chris.  We were only going to the Strictly live show!! Booie has a friend in California who is friends with someone in Australia who is friends with someone on the Strictly crew and hey presto… VIP tickets and we’re on our way.  It was a-maz-ing! The rest of October was spent recovering but it was so worth it.

November began in the worst way possible.  Tony my kind, gentle brother in law died unexpectedly, albeit peacefully in his sleep during the night of November 1st.  The rest of the month is a bit of a blur to be honest but we are grateful that the medical team are confident that he wouldn’t have known anything about it and we have become closer as a family united in grief, taking care of each other focussing on all that was great about having had Tony in our lives.  The outpouring of love from so many people whose lives had been touched by Tony has been of huge comfort to us all.

December demonstrated that we can continue to have fun whilst holding space for the sadness.  I went up to Mum and Richie’s with Debs and Sarah and we visited Chatsworth House.  In all the years I’d lived in Derbyshire, and the hundreds of times I’d driven through the Chatsworth estate, I’d never actually been in the house.  We left Chesterfield in blazing sunshine and as we came over the tops to drop into the Derwent Valley we descended into the cloud and the house held its mystery in a ghostly shroud! This did not detract from the beautiful fairytale themed decorations inside the house which were somehow even more magical as a result.

I had another good report from Dr Alexander 😍 we planned another CT scan just to be sure everything is still behaving, I had it on the 22nd and will get the results January 16th.

Time for just one more event before Christmas – another trip to London to see the Nutcracker Ballet with Gabi, Molly, Kat and Jan at the Coliseum. It was beautiful and magical and suddenly I felt Christmassy!

Throughout the year I have continued with my weekly laughter yoga sessions. I have an awesome group of ladies, the environment is so nurturing and full of love it gives me immeasurable amounts of joy.

I have also attended pottery classes throughout the year with varied success 😁 but it is such great therapy and I have made some good friends through it 😊

Christmas, as always has been a celebration of family and friends, we are welcoming the new year with Joan and Penny and we will be raising a glass of something to Tony together.

I will talk to you more often in 2019 and apologise to anyone I’ve missed out 😍

I wish you all a new year filled with joy and love

Lots of love as always, Mand ❤️